So We do Not Loose Heart

We are afflicted in every way... but not crushed. Though the pressure to turn and give up all hope is great, and would be justified, and the pain is intense due to the instability of church life and the agony of division and disunity; and though we loose friends due to confusing, unnecessary issues, and the very people we love the most turn and do the unthinkable, we are not crushed... always carrying in the body the death of Jesus. And we have this one aching desire: that through all of the afflictions, somehow, the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies.

Perplexed...but not driven to despair. Though we most often do not know how to handle the situations we're walking through, and relationships are tangly; and though we feel hemmed in on both sides, and even though there seems to be absolutely no hope at all outside of Jesus, we are not driven to despair... always carrying in the body the death of Jesus. And we have this one aching desire: that through all of the perplexing turns of church life, and all of the perplexing situations, somehow, the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies.

Struck down...but not destroyed. Though we feel destroyed and struck down by the prolonged turmoil and tension, and our hearts ache and long for unity and oneness among God's people, yet see no hope ahead; and though a lot of our hopes and dreams seem to be taken from us, leaving us with no hope but for Jesus, we are not destroyed... always carrying in the body the death of Jesus. And we have this one aching desire: that through the destructions and the pain, somehow, the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies.

So, as people and as young people, and as churches and as the Body of Christ, we do not loose heart. We do not loose courage and begin to tremble and stand by the side lines, afraid. We won't squander our lives. We do not walk around like we saw God's obituary in the morning paper. Though our outer self – the stuff that won't matter in eternity – looses energy and vigor, and wastes away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction – though it feels like it will last forever, and though there is real pain and real suffering; and though at times we wonder if these dry bones could ever, ever be resurrected … THIS VERY THING is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison!

So we refuse to look to the things that are seen. We don't want to waste our life looking at the paper model when the real thing is yet to come. We choose, instead, to look to the things that are not directly evident – the things that seem to be absolute unreality, a impossibility because of our current situation. For the things that we see, and the things that we become weighed down by, are just temporary substitutions; they're just transient, short-lived rain showers in the spring. These things that we are incapable of seeing – these things are eternal.

Let me not loose the chance to prove...

    I very nearly didn't write a thing here, simply because I felt like I had nothing at all to share. This week has been a particularly challenging one for me.  I've been struggling with my health, again, and though that's nothing new to me, for some reason it's been particularly stretching this time around.  I don't like feeling weak; I don't like doing stupid things because I'm just too tired; I don't like forgetting really important things.  I simply cannot stand the feeling of being rather helpless and out-of-control of my body.  I'm not even going to pretend that it doesn't really frustrate me at times.  It's discouraging.  I like to be in control.
    But the Lord has really been challenging me on that one.  Do I walk in the joy of the Lord only when my feelings keep up?  Or do I rejoice just because He is, regardless of circumstance?  I've been finding joyful release in looking to Jesus through physical trial.
    So I thought I'd share the single poem that has encouraged my heart these days.  It's been special to me for years, but has held special meaning in some of the physical trials I've walked through.  And it's my heart not to loose this chance to prove the fullness of enabling love.  
 
"Before the winds that blow do cease,
Teach me to dwell within Thy calm;
Before the pain has passed in peace,
Give me, my God, to sing a psalm.
Let me not lose the chance to prove
The fullness of enabling love.
O Love of God, do this for me:
Maintain a constant victory.

Before I leave the desert land
For meadows of immortal flowers,
Lead me where streams at Thy command
Flow by the borders of the hours,
That when the thirsty come, I may
Show them the fountains in the way.
O Love of God, do this for me:
Maintain a constant victory."  ~Amy Carmichael


 

Be Still my Soul!

    I don't know how it works for all of you, but occasionally God uses pieces of poetry, maybe a quote, a song, to speak to the deep need of my heart in a most unexpected way. That's what God did in my heart tonight.   I was reading in Acts, felt that I could almost feel what the disciples were feeling as they watched Jesus ascend back into heaven.  I could almost feel the wonder, the loneliness, the sheer amazement of their hearts as they watched the object of their hope and joy and salvation, ascend to heaven.  I could imagine those men remembering Christ's words before He left.  Remembering the very heartbeat of the One they loved so dearly.  
    And then I kept hearing those words: "Men of Galilee, why do you stand looking up into heaven?"  By all means they had a reason to stand there, open-mouthed and amazed!  But the two men in white robes were calling their eyes from gazing into heaven, to looking at the mission before them. 
    Those words kept going around in my thoughts this afternoon.  I'm wrestling with a longing to see oneness; to see real unity, real love among God's people.  It's a aching longing.  And I found myself thinking of the glories of heaven - that God's will, will be done to the ultimate degree.  I thought about the absolute void of disunity, the void of splits and divisions. The single purpose of living, being worship of the only One who matters to every last person there - our King!  
    And I was reminded of the song, "Be still my soul": "Be still my soul, the Lord is on thy side..."  and I stopped there.  I thought about Christ's longing for unity among His people.  Am I longing with Christ for that?  Does He desire that, too?  If so, it doesn't matter a ounce if the rest of the world doesn't - He does.  
    It doesn't matter if it's pretty dark.  It doesn't matter what criticism follows.  It just doesn't matter - we're in it with Christ.  He doesn't want us to wait for heaven for that sheer joy.  Heaven starts here - are we with Him or not? 
    And that thought just broke my heart.  I want to be a instrument of peace while I have life - a instrument that can be used in the smallest way to bring about God's will just as it's done in heaven, here on earth.  
    "That they may become perfectly one..." 
     

My Musings from Valley Forge Battle Field

     It''s a quiet, cloudy, damp afternoon here at Valley Forge. The quiet is so QUIET...but once I listen carefully, there's a whole host of beautiful noises. The locust singing above me, the crow caw-caw-cawing its lonely song, the songbird chirping, then the peaceful, subdued quiet.

     One can almost hear the history here. Forget the crowds of tourists, the noise of vehicles, the modern buildings scattered here and there. The battle field is there, much the same as it once was many years ago. The brown, dry grasses rustle in the breeze. The entrenchments still stand, much as they were. Were it quiet enough, you could almost hear the cries of men in battle – hear the gunshots, smell the smoke of cooking fires, hear the drums.

     I can picture the men, scattered across the field. Young, devoted men in uniform; soldiers who freely gave their lives, their bodies, their youth, for the cause. Men who loved, who left their sweethearts, their wives, their families; men who agonized, cried, who hurt...and yet who went to battle anyway.

     I picture them here, standing on this battlefield. Maybe there''s a break in the battle, and the cannon fire ceases long enough to see the smoke clear away. Evidence of the battle is everywhere – exhausted men, sitting or lying on the grass. Numerous casualties lie on cots, being carried away by their fellow soldiers; some are in great pain, suffering. Others are already gone, having used their last breath to drag their fallen brothers out of the range of enemy fire.

     I admire the men who fought here. Their courage and sheer determination – even passion – inspires and amazes me. They were totally devoted to their commander! Just to catch a glimpse of that man, so dear to their hearts, gave them strength enough to press through yet another cold, wearying day. Enough strength to press through the pain, the exhaustion, the hunger and cold. Lying in their beds at night, shivering in the harsh winter weather, something kept them going – something drove them to give, give, give, many of them to the very last drop of their blood.

     Standing here on the hill, gazing across this battlefield, I wonder at that passion that blazed in the hearts of these men. They lived lives that they felt were given to the greatest cause possible, and they knew that if they died in that cause, it was worth it all. Mother, sister, wife at home didn't keep them from giving everything for that cause. They gave their lives. They blazed for a very short time – many of these men were young, even in their twenties or teens – but they felt it was worth it all, because that blaze was given to that cause.

     I have one life, just like these men did. Can I live with the same reckless abandon, because I'm living every moment, and doing everything I do with a single passion? Can I sew that dress, care for that child, teach those girls knowing that it's just as vitally important to the Kingdom as anything else I'll ever do in my life? And do it with that passion for God? I think of the men on the battlefield who dug ditches for the cause. But it was their passion! Praise God, they got to dig ditches! And just a glimpse of Gen. Washington passing by on his horse, filled them with such love that they did it just a little more passionately than before. Do you see, maybe feel, what I'm getting at?

     Just another battlefield. Just a little space in history, lives that were lived, and lives that were lost. But it impacted my heart in a tremendous way. I want to live a life that is not wasted. That whether I die caring for a child, or on a mission field somewhere, I die knowing that a drop wasn't wasted. That's what I want. I'm not there, and you all know that, but that's where I press...living a ordinary, busy life like anybody else's – for a extraordinary God!

Just a 'Normal' Week

Describe life at the moment? Noisy, tiring, busy, running, late, hurry, grab a bite to eat, out the door, keys in hand, where am I going?, keep awake at the wheel...... Life is crazy for me these days.  Running one thing to another, one place to another, one job to another, one thought to another (I think that's called scatter-brained..).  Teaching, babysitting, working, studying, language learning... and there's supposed to be something called spare time.  I guess I lost that somewhere along the way.

Most days I'm thrilling just to live.  I love life.  There's nothing I'd rather do, than to live life rejoicing in God and loving Him.  If you want a thrill, try it sometime.  Nothing like it! But other days, like today, I have to remind myself of my purpose.  Center myself again by looking to Jesus.  Somehow I can't walk crooked while I'm gazing at Him - it just doesn't happen!

So...take a peek into my day.  I taught sewing class yesterday again, and this time we were working on cutting out dresses.  Laying the patterns on the fabric so as to spare as much fabric as possible, pinning the fabric down, painstakingly cutting around the pattern.  Those big, sharp scissors were making me nervous, as I let the girls attack their newest project.  That was nice polyester dress fabric...but the perfectionist in me has to let go and let them learn.  It's not a disaster to loose three yards of fabric; but it IS a disaster for the girls to remember their first times sewing by that piece of cloth they ruined. ;)  They're more important!

Did you know that you can run a sewing machine as fast as it will go, and it will smell like burning oil?  I didn't.  But we found out yesterday at sewing class!  What about the sound of nice, sharp metal scissors opening and closing endlessly (while I was trying to teach another student...patience is not her virtue...)  - did you ever think that it sounds like a Goodwill shopping trip?  Neither did I.  But come to think of it, it's remarkably accurate! It's amazing the things we learn at sewing class! :)

And we also enjoy our miniature, in-home steaming geyser. (More commonly known as a steam iron)  My lessons have been interrupted numerous times by sudden and impulsive peals of laughter as the steam iron spits out a cloud of steam.  At first it was a terrifying thing, but now that they're getting used to the iron, it's just so much fun to steam it into the air and watch the cloud dissipate.  Sewing class? Absolutely!

Anyway, I think you get the point. We have alot of fun at sewing class, and this teacher has learned a thing or two in the process as well!  There's joy in watching little minds understand something for the first time.  We're building relationships, learning to appreciate and love each other.  That's precious, and it's going to last over the years - even if they do forget to back-stitch. ;)

My recent thoughts...

 The following consists of  my thoughts last night...uncensored, just-as-they-came.  :) 

There's a obvious connection between receiving the grace of God – in all of it's unreasonableness – and in giving grace to others. If I see myself as nothing in myself, and everything through the work of Christ (He makes those things that are not as though they are.), I will see others the same way.

If I see myself as the one who has received mercy – mercy that I did not deserve, could not have earned, could not have bought – I will NOT be able to turn around and refuse to give that mercy to my brother. In fact the very idea would be uncomfortable; I am living simply on the life of another. I'm free because Someone went in my place. I am not worthy of it, I could not free myself from the crime and sin I was entangled in; I would be the same old, sinful person had Someone not exchanged His life for mine.

Can I really refuse that kind of grace to my brother? Am I any better than he is? Outside of the grace of God, I'm nothing. I'm false and full of sin to the core and nothing I can do will help that. I would be terrified to refuse the very grace I received, undeservingly, to my brother. Quoting from Matthew 18:32-35 “You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you? And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt. So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”

Following the same thought, I see Christ's heart clearly from Matthew 9:11-13 (also see parallel in Hosea 6:6) “I desire mercy, and not sacrifice.” Jesus was saying this as he listened to the pharisees talking about why Jesus – Jesus! - would sit at the table with tax collectors and sinners. Why would He defile Himself like that? Mercy, not sacrifice. Love, not hatred and disgust. His reply was quite startling, if you read through the Old Testament and levitical law.

Looking at mercy and undeserved grace, I turn to Romans 8:31-34 These verses are radical verses; I read them and weep to think of how we would live if we only lived out the Bible and weren't afraid of what might happen. “What then shall we say to these things? If GOD is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son but gave Him up for us all, how will He not also with Him graciously give us all things? Who shall bring any charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died – more than that, who was raised – who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us.”

Wow. If we lived that way – if we saw each other as Christ sees us; If we judged as He does; if we loved like He loved/loves us, what a difference! We would see the power of God poured out on us! I can hardly imagine the freedom to live all-out, to serve, to love. The church would be built up; the Gospel would be spread by people who are reveling in God, and in His grace; people would see Christ by our lives, as we love one another; and the ultimate goal of life would be lived – God's name would be lifted up! Glorified! Honored! Made GREAT!!!

Oh God, wouldn't you do it?