This past week has been a really challenging one for me. I know that God is working in my heart ... and yet at the same time there is this deadening pull to let myself get all wrapped up in (and pulled down by) things: Circumstances. Problems. Pain. Discouragement. The Deadline. My overly-full schedule.
So as I go through my days, I find that pull to be very real. Right when I'm up to my neck in serving, and when my heart is just thrilling in the opportunities He's opened up in my life, bam, it hits me. That little, sneaky suggestion: "Hey, did you remember that problem? I wonder how this situation is going to work out. Huh. I just know he or she is going to cause a problem... what am I going to do? Oh no. I forgot that she wants that order filled by next week. And the wedding next month!" and on and on it goes.
And all the strength I once had to serve the Lord drains away, leaving me just about as limp as that old celery in the refrigerator. I'm not kidding. It's like there's a leak in my life!
The Lord has been showing me in more ways than one, that my life is very, very finite. I'm limited in my ability. I only have so much memory. So much passion. So much strength. It's HIS strength that is limitless. He's the one that gives the ability. He's the only way that my life can, in any way, have streams of living water flowing out of it.
And my focus so often turns away from Him, to the of-this-world problems. And my it goes in a downward spiral from there. I can't afford to waste any of my strength on worrying about the circumstances I'm in. I can't afford to waste time worrying about my reputation. Wondering about that Big Bad Problem that is just going to show up tomorrow.
The only way I can go through life is by setting all of my hope, all of my expectation, all of my sight on Him. Joying in Him. Loving Him. I am finding that it's so true: all of my streams come from Him. And if I let that fellowship between me and my Father get plugged up somewhere along the way, the streams flowing from my life trickle to a slow stream .. and eventually, they die.
So my purpose in sharing that is to encourage myself - and you - to keep our hearts set on Jesus. It doesn't matter as much if we haven't read a book for six months, or if our desks are piled high with unanswered letters, account statements, and unfinished study projects. That stuff isn't going to matter in eternity. But what does matter is how buried we are in Him. We know the difference if we aren't. And so does the world around us. I want a life that sings about Him, unconsciously and effortlessly, because I know Him.
